changing

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 14:54:00 GMT

halloween is coming and i dont know what to do, im going t with my friends, whatever im strong, now. Anyways i love this guy, thats loves me back but im making out with this other guyho loes me but i only enjoy him,you know..lo0l. Anways im stuck in between.
My family sucks, there mad at me, i dont care, ill get far
i dont know what else to say, except that im pretty down these days

The Battle

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 22:01:33 GMT

How and where do i start?
Well first off all, im going to say that im glad that i have what i want. :) That makes me happy.
Yesterday i was restricting and i binge-purge :(
well today was good i had 300 cals, but when it was time for dinner, it was like a bad battle in me :S hate this, but i dont care

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 16:24:33 GMT

Alright, ysterday was a good day. :) I had like 300 calories.

Yesterday night my dad didnt come home, hes not home, it now 12:10pm and his not yet there. I wonder where he is. My mom is in her bedroom crying. Whats happening? :( Im listening to music thinking of all the happy people, and why can't i be one of them!? When i was a child, my life was happy i didnt understood life, but i do..i hate it. I dont hate life cause its a really beautiful thing. I this morning i binge, i had maybe 900 calories. I Triied to purge it, but i was so sad that i couldnt make it, the crying was awful, now im calm but still feel sad. I dont understand whats happening. I just want one person to be there for me. ONE, im not asking the whole world's attention, no just one. Maybe if i get myself really sick..he will understand. Right now theres one person who is taking care of me..my principal, shes really cool. But she, of course, is trying to make me better, of course im not being honnest, if i would she would call mom and dad and tell them that i have a eating disorder. I personaly believe that i dont, i dont really, if i would i wouldnt fail everytime. I want to get really thin so she would understand that ive been lieing and then she will be more worry..argg i know im fuck. I feel bad for my mom. The worst thing of all this is that if my principal does call my mom and tell her that my mom will seriously think that shes not a good mother...and shell be more sad. And i cant stand her being sad. She always been the strong one in the family and now shes the worst one. One day sheill probably forget about me and my brother. She thinks im all strong and all that. But she doesnt see me cry and she doesnt see me purging and starving and binging. I really really want to stop binging. I feel worst when i do. But i learn my lesson. I wont get any attention if i keep binging. Its was the last time.

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 12:41:06 GMT

Okay so this morning at 9am i started my plan :)

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 00:24:15 GMT

My principal was like you lost 10 pounds last months...let me see if you loose another 10 pound..
110-november
100-december
90-january
80-feb

aww would it be wonerful :) :)

ill make it there, and then she will be like....omg....

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 22:32:19 GMT

New plan :
October 7- restrict 300 cals
October 8-restrict 400 cals
October 9-restrict 500 cals
October 10-restrict 400 cals
October 11-restrict 300 cals
October 12-restrict 200 cals
October 13-restrict 300 cals
October 14-restrict 400cals (lost 5 pounds)

Do it all over again

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 21:51:17 GMT

Im doing great :) Really i had 200 cals, and all in baby food. But one thing is that i forgot to take my diet pill..shit :( But ill take them tomorrow. Anyways i dont know if i lost anything, ill know tomorrow when ill go babysit. I hope all of you are doing good. Well i dont have much too say.
Love you girls :) Bye xxx

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 14:18:48 GMT

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 19:48:25 GMT

wrong me...i binge...and i reweighted myself ( cloths on ) and i weight 125...maybe im really 122 but since i have a belt and i binge and my cloths are heavy well..i dont know, ill see tommorow morning.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 22:03:13 GMT

I hate this. I'm not good at anything, really! I hate how i can eat in so little time! God im mad. I can't do anything right, never. I suck, i'm starting a 110 hour restrict 200 at 7pm tonight and i WISH for the love of god i can do this...well i better fuck i have 300000 pounds to loose and i have little time. Okay i have to calm down before i break the keyboard. Why is there so many little perfect girls with really fast meta.? Umm mine is fuck, yes i know and so what?? I hate food, but food loves me. Each time ill eat more than 200 per day ill cut, ill see how much cut ill have at the end of the month. Now ill plan out my week: Morning: orange jus snack: apple (70) lunch: water+diet pill snack: smaller apple (60) dinner: no more than 70