Alright, ysterday was a good day. :) I had like 300 calories.
Yesterday night my dad didnt come home, hes not home, it now 12:10pm and his not yet there. I wonder where he is. My mom is in her bedroom crying. Whats happening? :( Im listening to music thinking of all the happy people, and why can't i be one of them!? When i was a child, my life was happy i didnt understood life, but i do..i hate it. I dont hate life cause its a really beautiful thing. I this morning i binge, i had maybe 900 calories. I Triied to purge it, but i was so sad that i couldnt make it, the crying was awful, now im calm but still feel sad. I dont understand whats happening. I just want one person to be there for me. ONE, im not asking the whole world's attention, no just one. Maybe if i get myself really sick..he will understand. Right now theres one person who is taking care of me..my principal, shes really cool. But she, of course, is trying to make me better, of course im not being honnest, if i would she would call mom and dad and tell them that i have a eating disorder. I personaly believe that i dont, i dont really, if i would i wouldnt fail everytime. I want to get really thin so she would understand that ive been lieing and then she will be more worry..argg i know im fuck. I feel bad for my mom. The worst thing of all this is that if my principal does call my mom and tell her that my mom will seriously think that shes not a good mother...and shell be more sad. And i cant stand her being sad. She always been the strong one in the family and now shes the worst one. One day sheill probably forget about me and my brother. She thinks im all strong and all that. But she doesnt see me cry and she doesnt see me purging and starving and binging. I really really want to stop binging. I feel worst when i do. But i learn my lesson. I wont get any attention if i keep binging. Its was the last time.
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changing__doll's journal
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